Mind Control through Temple Trauma

If you allow these old white men to dictate your underwear, you just might, possibly, be in a CULT!

Family members did tell us some things to prepare us, before that cold March day in 1991 when we first went through the temple, even though you are not suppose to talk about what goes on in the temple to people who have not been through it; they told us what would happen because they didn’t want us to be freaked out during the actual ritual. How you received the garments back then could be uncomfortable, surprising, and even upsetting to some people if you were not prepared. You receive your new underwear before you do anything else in the temple. I was told by a trusted family member that I would be naked with a large cloth 'shield' covering me that was open on both sides for access to my body during the ritual. They also said that a woman would touch me on several parts of my body with both water and then oil as she prayed over me. I was told it was a beautiful ceremony if I would only be open to receive its blessings.

(After 2005, the cloth shield was no longer open, instead it was sewn up at the sides, and temple attendee’s were no longer naked underneath the shield because they had to have on ‘the garment’ before the initiatory ceremony started. So, they were dressed only in the shield and the garment, ‘peculiar underwear’, for the ceremony, which was a step up from being totally nude under an open cloth shield. However, as of 2016, instead of wearing the shield with only the odd underwear on beneath it, a person must now be completely dressed in all white cloths for this ritual. I guess God decided it was okay to have cloths on after all; now days, apparently pretending to be ‘washed’ and ‘anointed’ is just as good as actually doing it. This is a huge change from when I went through the initiatory ceremony over 25 years ago.)

The cloth shield looked like a heavy rain poncho made from a thick, white material with the sides split all the way open. I was completely naked underneath it. I remember walking from the dressing area to the ritual space holding the sides of the shield together tightly with my fists. A woman temple worker ushered me into a tiny room. There she touched me, ‘washed’, thirteen parts of my body from my head all the way to my toes including my breasts, and my ‘vitals and bowels’ as she put it, with water while she blessed me saying a special prayer. That was the washing phase; and then, she repeated it all with oil as she blessed me once again in the same manner. That was the anointing step. I was touched on each body part twice before she dressed me in a special one piece garment provided by the temple with a long zipper up the front, which she zipped up for me underneath the shield. That was the one and only time I have ever worn the one piece style of garments in my life.

Yes this ritual was bizarre, awkward, and extremely uncomfortable to me at the time! I was truly grateful when that part of the ceremony was completed! The next element of this initiation was when she gave me my ‘new name’. The name I thought I would be called in Heaven. I was actually looking forward to receiving this new name. I knew that everyone who goes through the temple was assigned a new name, but I did not know its purpose. I only knew that I should never reveal it to anyone. I was let down, however, when I heard what my ‘new name’ was. Not that it was bad; it just was not unique like I was expecting, or hoping, it would be. Originally, I shared my new name but due to a request from my husband, I took that part out.

Once I was properly dressed, I was taken into another room where a different older, white haired lady talked to me about my special new underwear and the ‘new name’ I had just received. Randy was not allowed to be with me yet. He was going through his own initiation and instructions. This new temple worker told me not to ask my husband for his ‘new name’ because he cannot give it to me. He needs to know mine. I don’t need to know his. The reason he must know my ‘new name’ is because the ‘new name’ is what he will use when he calls me forth from my grave at the morning of the first resurrection. I assume Jesus Christ will call him from the grave first using his ‘new name’, and then Randy supposedly will call me. I sat there shocked and dismayed as she told me this new surprising information. What’s up with Randy calling me out of my grave instead of Jesus?! Needless to say, this was awfully upsetting to me. Someone should have prepared me for that!

Plus, I wanted to know Randy’s ‘new name’. I thought that was appallingly unfair to keep his name unrevealed to me his wife! Why would God make my husband keep his ‘new name’ a secret from me? That just felt so wrong and illogical to me! This is theoretically the name we will use in the Celestial Kingdom, and more importantly, why would we even have, and keep, secrets from each other on Earth or in Heaven? It made me feel unequal, less significant to God, essentially irrelevant, and like I was being treated as a child instead of an equal partner with my husband. Not being able to know Randy’s ‘new name’ too made the whole ritual appear very chauvinistic to me. (When I left the church, I actually found out what Randy’s new name is. You can look that up on the internet now too. It’s just a matter of knowing the day, month, and year you went through the temple for your own endowments. Here is the link to that website     http://www.fullerconsideration.com/templenameoracle.php )

I thought getting a ‘new name’ would be kind of fun. Until, I learned what the ‘new name’ was for, and that I would probably never get to know Randy’s ‘new name’. I was really quite disappointed about that. My disappointment that day would continue. This women temple worker also told me I was never to take off my garments other than to have sex, shower, swim, or when I felt it was appropriate. I was to have them on my body all the time, day and night! This new underwear was a protection from Satan and also physical harm. When/if I took off my garments, I made myself susceptible to Satan and his temptations. Better to be safe than sorry, so wear this underwear continuously! It is such a fear based religion!!

          Sadly, there would be no more sleeping in the nude or sexy lingerie for me to wear without experiencing guilt! Not that I did that, or wore those things, very often; but after hearing her instructions regarding the garments, I felt like it was no longer a choice. If I were to go nude at night, or dust of my sexy lingerie, and wear them to bed then I would feel like I was doing something improper. I would feel liable, and sinful, for breaking the rules. I could only do those things if I found a way to rationalize it in my mind. I did a lot of justifying as a Mormon! I hung on to that last condition, ‘when I felt it was appropriate’, for dear life!

          As an apostate, I do not miss wearing the ‘G’s’. Ditching them was the best thing ever!! It opens up a whole new world at night once you dare to take them off. Another nickname for the garment is ‘Jesus jamies’, or ‘jamies for Jesus’, because many Mormons sleep in just their special, shielding underwear instead of wearing pajamas over the top. It was wonderful when I finally removed my garments for good, and I could sleep in whatever I wanted once again. Actually, sleeping naked is one of the best ways to sleep according to Dr. Travis Bradberry. He says it will help reduce stress, increase the quality of your sleep, make you healthier, and even builds self confidence by helping you to become more comfortable in your own skin. I love the feeling of my bare skin on soft silky cool sheets!

          The Mormon Church with its unusual underwear messes with the sex lives of its members. When do you ever get to see your spouse naked if you are always supposed to be covered up from the neck to the knees, even by your underwear?  Intimacy in marriage is essential, and I view wearing garments as a hindrance to greater familiarity between Mormon couples. I know couples who have never slept naked together because of the guilt around removing the garments for that long period of time called ‘the night’. So imagine having a beautiful sexual encounter with your spouse, and then as soon as it is over rushing to get dressed again into very confining, concealing underwear; it puts a limitation on your awareness of each other’s bodies. It implies that the body is shameful, needs to be hidden, and covered at all times. When the truth is, nothing compares to bare skin on bare skin with someone you love.

          I wore this special, protective, unusual underwear for two decades. At times, I did feel it was appropriate to go without my garments during certain activities for several reasons, and over the years, a few of my bishops disagreed with me about when it was considered proper to take off my garments. For example in 2004, when we were living in Mendon, UT, I was told by the bishop of that ward that weeding my garden in the extreme heat of summer was not considered an appropriate activity to be doing without my protective underwear. At that home, we had a very large yard and a lovely garden. I enjoyed feeling the warm sun on my shoulders while I worked outside. This yard was not fenced, and he had noticed me weeding my garden in my tank top and shorter shorts than what he considered proper. Therefore, it came up in my temple recommend 'interrogation'. I argued with him for a few minutes defending my choice of clothing, but it was pointless. If I wanted the recommend to enter the temple I only had one option. I must repent meaning, apologize, promise not to do it again, do whatever penance he suggested, and hope that he would sign my recommend paper. In this same interview, the bishop also told me that even sports were not considered an appropriate time to remove my garments. I did Irish dancing at that time in my life. Since I was being drilled about when I wore the underwear, and when I didn’t, I confessed to not wearing them when I danced. He reaffirmed that I needed to wear the garments when I did Irish dancing too, as well as when I went running, or working out in general. He told me to wear bigger cloths in order to cover them up when I did those activities. If I could physically perform the activity with them on, then I needed to wear them. And, if it truly required taking them off for an activity, I was to put them back on my body as quickly as I could after the activity was over. This decree goes for sex as well!

The First Presidency wrote another official letter on December 9, 2011 to all the bishops of the church for them to read in their sacrament meetings. In that letter, Thomas S. Monson, current prophet of the church, stated that, “The garment should not be removed, either entirely or partially, to work in the yard or for other activities that can reasonably be done with the garment worn properly beneath the clothing…”, like during sports or working out. Luckily, I was already out of the church by then. There was no official statement from a prophet when I was having my temple recommend ‘interviews’. But, all of my bishops over the years certainly had the same perceptive even without an official letter from the church; which is to wear your garments at all times!  

I was told these same things by multiple bishops, stake presidents, and counselors over the two decades I wore their eccentric underwear and participated in the interviewing process. It always came up in the temple recommend ‘interrogations’ because they must ask if I am wearing my garments night and day like I have been instructed to do. It is one of the specific questions in the interview. You must answer that question twice, by both the bishop and the Stake president, in order to renew your temple recommend. I have never been a good liar. I always felt the need to answer them honestly no matter what question they asked me, which is what got me into trouble a few times with more than one bishop about wearing the garments. I would disagree with them when they questioned me further about when I wore them and when I didn’t. Since garments cover your shoulders and come down to your knees, it was not convenient to wear them in many activities. Truthfully, there was no way I was ever going to wear them when I did Irish dancing or running! But, I always gave in, said I would ‘repent’, and try to do better in order to just get the recommend and leave their presence. I wanted to continue to attend the temple, mostly to be able to see the wedding ceremonies of our loved ones. That is the main reason I tried to keep a current temple recommend over the years.

They tell you how special this new underwear is, how wearing it keeps you from Satan’s influence if you wear it correctly, meaning you can’t alter it in anyway. They say wearing the garment will inspire you, and truly protect you from physical harm. It is absolutely the armor of God. It can literally defend you from a physical injury or satanic attacks. It is a 'lucky' rabbits foot for Mormons to keep them safe because threats of satanic attacks are talked about often in the temple, in the temple interviews, and in church, ensuring that you understand how serious the consequences are if you remove this underwear. They must put enormous fear into the members to keep them in the church's power and control. 

I remember clearly the exact moment, in January of 2011, when I made the conscious decision I was done wearing their unusual and unconventional underwear. I did view it as a test to see what would happen to me once I took the garments off for good. I remember waiting for something bad to occur to me, or my family, like I had been told so often would ensue from permanently removing them. I am happy to report, many years later, I’m still waiting. Nothing dreadful has happened because I removed my garments and broke my covenant to wear them for the rest of my life. In fact, it was the best thing ever when I stopped wearing their mind controlling, awfully uncomfortable, quite original, and extremely unusual underwear! Next time I will share my point of view regarding what I was taught to believe about sex as a faithful Mormon girl.

Namaste!

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