Sacred Light

A Grandmother has ears that truly listen, arms that always hold, a love that’s never ending, and a heart that is made of gold. ~ Author Unknown (Holidays 1984, our last Christmas  together before she passes away on Dec 21, 1985) While I was pregnant with RJ, I had the experience with my grandmother I had been hoping for, waiting for, for nearly three decades. It was January 2012; exactly one year had passed since I had left the Mormon Church.  We had been with my parents to ring in the New Year at their home. Going to stay for an extended visit at their home was always upsetting to my parents, and to me, after I left the church. I couldn’t be present in their home for very long without one of them eventually engaging me about the loss of my testimony. Those conversations never went well. I would end up in tears feeling so terrible for disappointing them; yet, I was really proud of myself for finally living and speaking my truth. I couldn’t give that up for an...

You’re mourning the loss of what you thought your life was going to be. Let it go. Things don’t always work out as you planned; that’s not necessarily bad. Things have a way of working out anyway.  ~ Frasier Crane It was July of 2007 when I learned I was pregnant again. I knew I was pregnant with my daughter, whom I had dreamed about off and on for four years. Ever since we had moved to Mendon, UT, I had dreamed about her. I knew she would have beautiful brunette hair, large loving eyes, and a contagious, radiant smile. The day I chose to tell Randy about the pregnancy is one we will never forget. I told him on his birthday, his 40 th birthday. Randy didn’t think this was good news like I did. Later, Alex called him from a camp he was working at that summer, called camp Fire Walker. After telling his dad happy birthday, Alex broke the news that our Suburban, the only vehicle that could hold our entire family, had broken down. It wasn’t going anywhere ever again. I...