Vision Quest Day 2
It
was light long before the sun finally came out from behind the mountain, but
still cold. I stayed nestled in my sleeping bag for a while longer. I knew our
supporters would soon be checking in on me. It was dawn, and I wanted mni wakhan
like the inspiring woman had promised me. Also, I wanted to leave with them
immediately! I thought my vision quest was absolutely over, finished, and
complete. I was still so desperate for water!! It was not food I desired, only Life
saving water! When they arrived to check on me, I was given pejuta wakhan,
sacred medicine, blessed water, about two cups worth. They encouraged me to stay
a little longer and to continue to spend the day in prayer. They said they would
check on me again to see how I felt in the evening. Reluctantly, I agreed to
stay knowing thirst would be my biggest challenge.
The
fly’s and the bee’s plagued me yet again, the heat was extreme torture to my longing for water. The lack of water was the hardest thing for me during the day. I felt like it was literally killing me to go without it. I swear I could
feel my internal organs shriveling, drying up for lack of water. But I stayed,
and I prayed, in my own way. By the afternoon, I had to hang my sheet again in
the tree to get some relief from the sun. I needed shade! I set my chanupa down
on its altar once again while I tied my sheet to the same dead tree branch in
front of me as I had the day before. As I sat back down, I looked at the round yellow, glowing sun shining through
the light colored cloth. Instantaneously, a vision opened up to me once more.
It
was the same woman who had come to me in the middle of the night who spoke to
me. (See my post Vision Quest Day 1 for that vision.) I didn’t see her like I had during the night. I just knew she was there
with me again. The first thing I said to her, when I recognized her presence
was, “Can you tell me your name?” She
answered me saying, “I am White Buffalo
Calf Woman…”, and with those words I was whisked away with her in another sacred conversation.
She told me to continue to do my healing work, especially with, and for, other women.
We talked more about my sacred purpose and new calling. There was more discussion
about sacred water. She said to honor it, to bless it when I consume it, and to
conserve it. She reaffirmed for me I was complete with my vision quest. I didn’t
have to spend another night on the hill. She knew my fears, my needs, and the sincere
desires of my heart. I asked her several things regarding why I had come to ‘cry for a vision’. Finally I asked her, “How
do I know my vision quest is really completed?” I was feeling bad about desperately
wanting to leave this place. She replied, “Where
is your chanupa?” I looked down at my lap. It wasn’t there. I hadn’t picked
it back up since sitting down and going into this vision with her. I reached
over to pick it up. Immediately, it fell apart in my hands. Even with being
lashed together with a leather strip and cloth, it came apart as if nothing was
holding it in place, like someone had reached over and untied the strings while
it was in my hands. I started to cry, partly with sweet relief and partly with warm
sadness. After that, the vision ended. All of her messages were crystal clear
in the mind and in my heart. I stayed on that hill in my sacred circle as long
as I possibly could. However, thirst and physical pain were absolutely forcing
me to leave.
In
the late afternoon, I gradually packed up my things, took down my hochoka, and
started to walk out on my own. I was so weak, exhausted, hungry, and thirsty. This
was the farthest I have ever physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally
pushed my body all at once. I walked very slowly down the mountain carrying all
of my things. I was afraid of falling and not being able to get back up because
of the severe pain in my lower back and knees. I took baby steps through the
sage brush, half the time dragging my things rather than carrying them. I made
many stops along the way, until I reached the dirt road. Hanbleceya was the toughest
thing I have ever done, and I am really proud of myself for doing it! I was
extremely relieved to find our supporter's camp. I dropped my things in the middle of
the dirt road and quickly went to it. I sat me down in the shade, and was given water and a few grapes. We talked a little bit about what I had experienced. My hochoka was set up across from camp so I could still pray, but I now had
access to sacred, holy water if I absolutely needed it. I couldn’t continue without being able to have a
drink of that divine Life giving gift. However, it was interesting that once my
physical body knew that water was available to me, I stopped yearning for it.
Saturday
morning, one of the other women came off of the hill. Since there were two of us
completed, we went back to the house for another sacred sweat lodge ceremony to
officially end our vision quests. Because we had to wait for the rocks to heat
up in the fire, it was Saturday afternoon before we finished with our final two
rounds in the sweat lodge. We were now officially lodged out, done with our
vision quests. Over 48 hours had passed since we had started our journey with
an inipi. We could now eat, drink, and talk as we wished. There were still three other
people up on the hill continuing to pray. One woman had already left before us.
Now, we were supporters for those still on the mountain. Later that night, two
more people were finished with their vision quests as well. There was only one
woman left ‘crying for a vision’ that last night. I stayed on the base of the hill in my truck to help take down camp the next day. Saturday night in my truck, I had my last vision. It was a very restless
night for me without much sleep; insights kept coming to me about the entire experience.
Gratefully, I will never be the same after this vision quest. I feel extremely blessed to have had so many experiences which have profoundly changed my life, which have advanced my transformation, my Metanoia. Never being the same again is a blessing. Growth, enlargement, expansion, development, and improvement can’t take place unless we are willing to let go of the old and embrace the new. When the hermit crab out grows its shell, it doesn’t morn over it. It moves on to the next bigger, better fitting shell, and embraces it as its new home. When we climb up a stair case, we don’t morn each step as we ascend it. I am eager to do the same with my life. I welcome the changes that this last half of my existence will bring!
Namaste!
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