Like A Virgin part 2
My parents on their wedding day June 16th, 1947.
Our sexuality is not something to be ashamed of, or to be embarrassed about, nor should it be forbidden to explore. It is a magnificent part of
being human. The body is an amazing and beautiful gift for us to use while we
are here! Our children should be taught healthy ways to express their sexuality,
and we should be teaching them how to have healthy sexual relationships in
life rather than teaching them to have guilt, shame, and fear surrounding their sexuality. Sex is a natural, normal, beautiful part of being
human.
Clearly, the way the Mormons teach their youth about sexuality has
failed, just look at the adult members of that church, and you can plainly see this
malfunction. Statistics
for Utah paint an alarming picture. Utah has a very high rate of child
sexual abuse, an extremely high rate of antidepressant use and prescription pain relief
usage, and, according to Harvard researcher Ben Edelman, Utah
is the largest consumer of paid online porn in the United States. Men
are turning to online porn, children are being sexually abused, and the women
are sucking down all kinds of drugs in denial of these problems, or in order to feel better about
their lives. (In my opinion, of course) It is a depressing state of affairs in
Utah! And, speaking of affairs, Utah was ranked 8th for holding Ashley
Madison accounts, the infamous website used for ‘hooking up’. In addition, Utah
has an exceptionally high rate of adult suicides as well, 5th in the
nation, while suicide is the #1 cause of death for
children ages 10-17 in Utah. Since
the majority of Utahan’s are Mormon, about 62% by some estimates, the
mainstream of people in this state are supposedly, activity living the ‘glorious gospel
of Mormonism’; you would think then that Utah wouldn’t have such prevalent
problems with child sexual abuse, pornography, suicides, and the need for prescription
drugs or antidepressants. Unfortunately, these are very significant issues for many
Mormon families.
In
fact last year, Utah passed a resolution declaring pornography to be a public health crisis, the first
resolution of its kind in this country. This very crazy ‘crisis’ makes perfect
since when you understand that according to Mormonism there is no acceptable
level of porn watching, or sexual expression outside of marriage! And,
anyone who watches porn is pretty much automatically labeled as an addict
within the church. Jeffrey R. Holland,
on March 12th, 2016 stated this about pornography to the SLC
community, “This ought to be seen like a
public health crisis, like a war,
like an infectious fatal epidemic, like a moral plague on the body politic that
is maiming the lives of our citizens... We do need to see this like avian flu,
cholera, diphtheria, or polio. It (porn) needs to be eradicated.” Just
when I thought this story couldn’t possibly get any more ridiculous, on June 21st,
2016, FOX news reported that the Weber County Sherriff’s office just acquired
Utah’s first ‘porn dog’ in their K-9 Unit. A 16 month black Labrador named URL
is an electronic detection, aka ‘porn sniffing’, K-9 trained to sniff out
electronic storing devices. I can see how this is useful for things like
terrorism and child pornography. But, calling it a ‘porn dog’ is ludicrous! Child
porn is a horrible thing that should definitely be eradicated! However, it is
not child porn so much that Utah has a problem with; it is pornography in
general. Hence, Utah has now established a war on pornography, complete with
K-9’s, to go along with its continuing war on masturbation, which makes perfect
sense since they go ‘hand in hand’! I’m not so sure I would go so far as to
call pornography a PUBLIC health crisis; but hey, this is Utah, habitat of the
Lord’s chosen, ‘peculiar people’, leading the way in homophobia, porn addition,
child sexual abuse, antidepressant use, and suicide!
The lessons on virginity that I received in my youth at church, and in seminary, that I shared in part 1, definitely messed with my emotions, my way of thinking, and my sexual attitudes
in that, feelings of guilt, shame, unworthiness, and embarrassment were the
result of my own healthy expression of my budding sexuality. If a youth in the church engages
in even the least wicked behavior of all the sexual behaviors they could
perform, they are still required to confess any and all of those ‘sexual sins’
to their bishop. Young men and young women are called into the bishop’s office regularly,
about every six months to a year for a ‘worthiness’ interview. It is a way of
keeping tabs on all of the youth and prying into their secret sex lives
teaching some of the youth early on the value of lying. I, however, have never
been good at deceiving others. Many embarrassing moments were had in a bishop’s
office as they asked me explicit questions regarding my personal sexual behaviors
as a youth and as an adult. This practice continues as long as you are a member
of the church; a bishop will want to have an interview with you at least once a
year, or every other year, to evaluate your sexual demeanor, I mean, ‘worthiness’.
Once
I left the church, putting an end to the ‘bishop interrogations’ with my children
was one of the first things I did. When our bishop asked for an interview with
one of my older children, in May 2011, I sent him back an email explicitly
stating that he DID NOT have permission to be alone with any of my
children for a ‘worthiness’ interview at any time. But, if my child, perchance,
wanted to participate in that interview, I would be present with them as well! He
would never be alone with my children. The choice was always up to my child,
and when given that choice they have mostly chosen not to be interviewed, as I
think most children would choose if they were given a choice about it. Thankfully,
our bishop has stopped requesting interviews for my younger children. Unfortunately,
most Mormon youth will be hauled off to the bishop’s office twice a year to
confess their ‘sexual sins’ without any chance to do otherwise. Once my
children turn eighteen they are free to make that decision for themselves,
until then, they are not allowed to be alone with any male priesthood authority
figure from the Mormon Church without my knowledge or consent. That is the
least I can do for them. I wish someone would have stood up for me as a youth. Having
a dirty old man ask a thirteen year old girl about her masturbation habits, or
if she has ever had an orgasm before is perverted! And, it is never
appropriate! I didn’t even know what the word masturbation, or orgasm, meant
at that time, it was a horrifying experience! As well as, asking a sixteen old
boy about their masturbation habits, or pornography viewing, is never acceptable
either. Yet, this is exactly what the church feels it has a right and an obligation
to do. In my experience, the church leadership definitely crossed an improper
line with these personal interviews with me, and it didn’t change once I was an adult. Bishops
are not trained in psychology, social work, or any other kind of counseling yet
they are in a position of extreme trust and authority. Their words have great power.
Many bishops’ have abused that power, and messed up families with their so
called ‘counsel from the Lord’.
Sexual
energy is not bad, evil, or wrong. It is to be used for our spiritual growth
and the development of our Soul. Understanding sexual desires and having a
healthy way to express those feelings is essential for young adults in order to
prevent the type of rape culture, homophobia, and psychological problems that
are so prevalent in our society today. Awareness, understanding, and compassion
are the necessary keys to unlock the mystery concerning sexuality. Osho
explained it like this saying, “You can
understand sex only if you move in it as a poet moves amidst flowers, only
then! If you feel guilty about flowers, you may pass through the garden, but
you will pass with closed eyes, and you will be in a hurry, in a deep, mad
haste. Somehow you have to go out of the garden, then how can you be aware? So,
Tantra says accept whatsoever you are. You are a great mystery of many
multidimensional energies. Accept it and move with every energy with deep
sensitivity, with awareness, with love, with understanding. Move with it, then
every desire becomes a vehicle to go beyond it, every energy becomes a help,
and then this very world is nirvana, this very body is a temple, a holy temple,
a holy place.” This is how I want my children to feel about their
bodies, their sexuality, and their maturation, as holy, sacred, precious,
normal, beautiful, unique, and natural. My children’s ‘worthiness’ will never
be about their sexual preferences, behaviors, or their ‘virginity’.
Actually, the word ‘virgin’ has been hijacked
to mean something other than it's original meaning, because the truth is not that long ago, ‘a
virgin’ meant an autonomous woman complete unto herself. It did not mean
that she abstained from having sex! In fact, virgins were free to express
their sexuality without shame. I am reclaiming this word, bringing back the
original meaning of it. To me, virginity should be a state of mind, and an attitude, which one can never lose, or be robbed of, and, it most certainly never depreciates in value. The
‘Virgin’ archetype is a person who follows their heart, pursues their passions,
and isn’t afraid of their sexual power. ‘A virgin’ is self-contained,
independent, and free. I want all of my children to grow up knowing they
are beautiful beings who are amazingly smart, brilliantly liberated, self-sufficient,
sexually sovereign, and will always be ‘like a virgin’ to me!
I lost my virginity a long time ago, but I still enjoy the 'box' it came in!!
Namaste!
www.sacredlights.net
www.secretsfromtheuniverse.blogspot.com
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