Zero... The Truth of Who I Am
The truth of who I am, and the truth of who you are,
is the most powerful and significant knowledge we possess. Yet, most of us
don’t remember this truth, because in order to remember the truth of who you
are, you need to forget about who 'they' have told you to be. The truth is we are
purely Sacred Light energy and Divine Love energy. I didn’t remember this truth
until recently.
This post is titled 'Zero’ for a significant reason. Zero represents the void from
which we all come; therefore, 'Zero' represents everything and nothing all at
once. Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len worked under
Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona learning the updated Ho’oponopono prayer. He says this
about the meaning of Life, “The only
purpose in your life and mine is the restoration of our Identity, our mind,
back to its original state of void, or zero, of purity of heart, through
non-stop cleaning. It is in the void, at zero, where Divine Love resides,
providing inspiration for perfect relationships, perfect health, and perfect
wealth…. Only Divine Love can transmute toxic memories into pure energies. Divine
Love is the only source of Inspiration and enlightenment...” Dr.
Ihaleakala says answering this one question is the most important thing we must
accomplish in our lifetime. It is… who am I?
I think
of Earth life like the teardrop crystal prism that hangs in the window of my
Reiki room. In the morning, when the sunlight is coming through the window it
strikes that crystal prism creating beautiful, little rainbows all across the
room. It’s magical. It’s my favorite place to start the day as I sit and sip my
freshly made lemon, ginger, and honey tea before doing my morning
mediation. I love watching the sparkling rainbows dance all across my Reiki room. It's magical, It brings joy to my heart. It reminds me that we
are like the sunlight that shines through my crystal prism. We are all truly Sacred
Light energy, pure Cosmic Christos Consciousness, which has lowered its
vibration in order to descend to Earth to use a physical body for a while. When
our Sacred Light, our Cosmic Christos Consciousness, enters the body and uses
the mind, it is like when light enters a crystal prism. The light going through
the crystal is divided into the seven colors of a rainbow. White Light
goes
in and a rainbow comes out, just like when we see a rainbow in the sky. The sunlight
has become many colors. ‘The one’ becomes ‘the many’.
We
are all ‘the One’. But in this physical existence, we are predisposed to focusing
on ‘the many’. We are obsessed with the rainbow, the illusion. We forget this
truth of who we are. We forget this truth about everyone.
Our awareness
is centered on the five physical senses, and the objective differences, which
we see in everyone. When we are focused only on the body and the mind, we
believe we are all separate from each other and separate from God, or the Universe, as well, not united
as ‘One’. We have been taught to rely only on our five objective senses, but in
actuality, we have many more senses that just those five. What is commonly
called our ‘sixth sense’ is our union with 'God'. We just can’t observe it like
the other five physical senses, but it doesn’t make it any less real. We can’t
physically observe the cells in our body working, reproducing, and dividing but
we know that they are. Our intuition, our inspiration, our heart space is our
sixth sense.
The mind and the body
function as the crystal prism. It is mostly through the mind that we are
divided into ‘the many’. Therefore, it is through the mind that we can bring ‘the
many’ back into ‘the One’. Change must first happen at the level of the mind in
order for us to remember the truth of which we are created. We are not separate
from God or each other at all. Truthfully, we are all intimately connected. A
good analogy of this spiritual truth is the oak tree. This great tree divides
its life into thousands of little acorns, each having the potentiality to
become a mighty oak tree when they are immersed into the soil and nourished. So
it is with God, or the Creator. God breaks his ‘Oneness’ into fractions, or ‘seeds’, Cosmic
Christos Consciousnesses, and imparts these fragments into every human soul, this
ancient Sacred Light is within us all.
“We are like the little branch that quivers during a storm, doubting our
strength and forgetting that we are the tree-deeply rooted to withstand all
life’s upheavals.” (Dodinsky) We are a reflection of our Creator; the
microcosm is the mirror image of the Macrocosm.
When we die, I believe our Life, our essence, will
continue on as Sacred Light, Divine Love, and Cosmic Christos Consciousness. “I and my Father are one” is a statement
Jesus made in John 10:30. It is a significant statement
about all of us. Our fundamental connection to God is what makes us all exceptionally
powerful! This power manifests from within us when we remember, acknowledge, and
live this transcendent truth; we are all ‘the One’. Our quest in life is to be mindful
of this before we breathe our last precious breath, and go home into the beautiful,
lucid, white Sacred Light of God from which we were created.
Marianne Williamson, in her book A Return
to Love said, “Our deepest fear is
not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask
ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?’
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small
does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as
children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light
shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are
liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” I didn’t always understand,
or appreciate, the fact that I am truly powerful. Actually, for most of my life,
I felt very powerless. I was unaware of this celestial spark of heavenly Sacred
Light wanting to shine luminously forth from within me.
I was
living my existence the way I was told was right. But, it didn’t feel right to
me. I thought that questioning my beliefs about Life was the same as
questioning God. I was taught that God will not be mocked. If I questioned what
I had been taught about God that was the same as mocking God. Who was I to
question Him? Who was I to doubt what ‘the church’ said about Him? Who was I to
doubt my faith? Who was I anyway? I believed I was nobody; nobody worthy of
questioning the truth as I had been told it as a child, that is who I was.
Growing
up, I was repeatedly told that I was exceptionally lucky and extremely special because
I was born into the one true religion out of all the religions in the entire world,
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints; in other words, the Mormons,
or the L.D.S Church. Out of all the billions of people on this planet, and the thousands
of religions, I was born into a family that believed in the one and only correct
faith on this earth; the only church that has all the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth! What are the odds of that? I was taught that
Mormonism was the only true path to reach Heaven. It was the only way to be
with those who you’ve loved after you die. I had to be a good, faithful Mormon, and
endure to the end if I wanted to be with my family in the afterlife. I had
been born into God’s only true church. If I doubted that fact, I was throwing
away a precious gift from God, and rejecting God outright. How could I doubt
that gift, or even question it? I didn’t. I never questioned it; until, I
broke.
Breaking changed
everything for me! In my most weakened state, I become conscious of my true strength.
When you have nothing left to lose, you become fearless. The fear of God, the
Church, my parents, and what others would think of me if I changed my mind
was
now gone. (For the whole story of my 'breaking' read my post Dark Night of the Soul parts 1 & 2.) I was discovering and reclaiming my power. Shattering was the
ultimate compensation for my many years of endeavoring to live a Life that was established
just because of my Mormon lineage. Mormonism never felt like ‘my’ path. It was definitely
my family’s path, but I stuck to that way of thinking too, and believed in it
all. Until, I was finally able to truly see another way to look at Life. I know
that Mormonism had a big part to play in my life. Thankfully, it was only the
first act, after my 'intermission', my ‘mid-life crisis’, the second act would amazingly
take off, showing me there is so much more to Life than I once thought. In
reality, Life is far more fabulous than I ever could have ever accurately imagined!
One motive
I have for sharing my story this blog is that maybe it will help someone else
realize it is okay to question deeply held beliefs before you break. Carl Jung said, “Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life.
Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths
and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But, we cannot live the afternoon of
life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the
morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening
will have become a lie.” I have come to understand clearly that what
served me best in the morning of my life doesn’t serve me well in the afternoon
of my life. I’ve learned it is okay to question and drop deeply held beliefs
that no longer serve you at any time, young, middle aged, or elderly. Mormonism
was true for me in the morning of my life. It did give me valuable experiences through
the course of living it. However, it had become a lie for me in the afternoon of my
life. Mormonism was not working for me any longer, and I was miserable trying
to pretend that it was.
Kim Bayne said, “In order to really change, we must first awaken… awaken from a life
that no longer serves us, to become aware of a better way of life, a better way
of thinking, to know there is more, to feel more, and to be more… to not just
simply exist, because that just isn’t enough anymore.” You can’t awaken
anyone until they are truly ready to awaken. That is something that I would
have to learn over and over again after leaving the church. It is why I didn’t
question it before I broke. Even though I was clearly unhappy with my Life, I
didn’t doubt the church, until I was really ready to be awakened to the truth of
their deceptions. For once you truly, clearly see it; you can’t un-see it.
Deepak Chopra
has said, “Religion is belief in someone
else’s experience. Spirituality is having your own experience”. I unreservedly
agree with that. I lived as a faithful Mormon for forty two years. That religion,
the Mormon Church, was established upon Joseph Smith’s mystical, spiritual
experiences. The problem with ‘prophets’ like that are they don’t want to share
with you how to have your own spiritual, and mystical, connection to God, or the Universe, like
they have. They want you to depend on them for your salvation. They crave to be
the ‘middle man’ between you and God. They want to receive revelations for you
instead of you having divination for yourself. (Polygamy is a perfect example
of this!) That was the belief system I grew up in, and believed in, for four
decades.
It
wasn’t until I was completely broken physically, spiritually, and emotionally,
that I had the comprehension, I was truly in control of my own life, my future,
and my destiny. I was 100% responsible for my Life, no one else! If I
was despondent it was up to me to fix it! Now that I had all of my power back, I
could clearly see that, naively, I had given all of my power away to outside
influences, blaming them for my unhappiness. Finally, I was able to look
closely at, and investigate, my beliefs, my values, and my viewpoints on Life
with unbiased eyes. I had reached rock bottom. I thought I had nothing left to
lose. Surprisingly, in the end, I would lose my religion; which in turn, helped
me lose my fear of God, and my fear of death. Those were two magnificently powerful
presents! They unlocked, opened, and freed my mind.
Challenging
my beliefs was as scary as Hell. Because in my religion, of course that is
where I will be going when I die. Since I have abandoned the church, it is most
likely that I will spend all of eternity with Satan instead of my family. As a
Mormon, it is made perfectly clear that apostates are in Satan’s power.
Apostates are considered ‘servants of Satan’. The Oxford English dictionary
defines apostate as, “a person who renounces
a religious or political belief or principle.” However, the Greek meaning
of the word is more accurate for my situation. In Greek, an apostate means “a runaway slave”. I am definitely an
apostate. I have forsaken the religion of my childhood and escaped the indoctrinating
slavery to which I was once bound. This type of ‘slavery’ is a mental slavery
tied to man-made religions.
The
threat of eternal damnation is why it was extremely hard for me to re-examine
my deeply held, ingrained beliefs, and to change my way of
thinking
about them. Threats of eternal damnation are not meant to be taken flippantly
or lightly. It was not a hasty decision for me to brazenly discard my once
treasured truths and to leave the church. I had to thoroughly look at what I understood
concerning Life and ask myself these questions. Why are we here on earth? Who are
God, Jesus, and Satan in actuality to me? And, is Hell for real? These are just a few
of the doctrines I un-regrettably and un-remorsefully scrutinized. Nothing was
off limits once I gave myself permission to honestly reconsider and rethink what
I knew about these and other subjects. Now that I have been through the process
of giving up what I used to dearly value, truths I once held so close to my
heart, I completely understand, and agree, that people who give up their former
religious beliefs are some of the bravest and most courageous people in this
world!
Because
it is so hard to objectively re-evaluate our own way of life, or way of
thinking, I believe not many people question the religions of their upbringing.
At first, it is extremely upsetting to awaken; to go against the grain of your deeply
held view points on life, and your family’s religious conviction; it can be perilous
to your peace of mind and to your mental health. Losing friends, family, and a
comfortably familiar way of life is not for the weak-willed person. It takes true
audacity, nerve, and valor to stand alone. I was terrified to leave the well
worn path of Mormonism for one that was new, unfamiliar, and unproven. Nonetheless,
I left. Leaving was the beginning of my awakening to the truth of who I am. It
guided me to the discovery of my authentic self; it led me to the realization
of the certainty of who I am. I AM Peace, I AM Divine Love, I AM Joy, and I AM
Sacred Light. Now, I identify with that Sacred Light within me. That is who I
AM. That is my true self, my Sacred Self, my exact identity. It is who you truly
are too.
You
will undoubtedly comprehend what it is I stand for, and how I got to these
conclusions, if you will continue to follow my story as I share it here in this blog over time. Why is it
important for you to hear it? Why does it even matter if I share it? John
Dehlin, the founder of Mormon Stories Podcasts, gives a great answer to the question
of why we need to share our stories with each other. He started Mormon Stories for
people like me to have a place to talk about their Mormon faith, or lack thereof.
His web site played an imperative part in my journey to discover the truth
about the Mormon Church. Mormon
Stories FB communities were also a huge support for me in the beginning of my
transitioning out of the church. I made many friends
in those groups. They will always hold a special place in my heart for all of their
support, and encouragement, at that time in my life, to know I wasn’t alone in
the process of leaving religion was priceless. This quote from Anna Grace Taylor sums up my feelings about my fellow ex-Mormons, she says, “Some people appear in your life when you
need them the most. They love you and lift you up, reminding you of the best,
even when you are going through the worst. These people are not just friends,
they are Earth Angels.” I don’t know that I could have gotten through the
pain of the church’s deception without the support from others who had already
been through it. Their compassion was precious and priceless to me!
John
was called to a disciplinary Council in January of 2015. That is what the
church does when they are going to either excommunicate, or discipline a member
in some way. At the end of his ‘court of love’ he gave a statement to the press,
and to those waiting for him outside of the church building. John Dehlin magnificently spoke exactly what
I feel, he said, “…I settled on
the name Mormon Stories because I had come to believe in the power of
stories. Before we tell our stories we sit alone in the darkness, suffering,
thinking we are the only ones, thinking we are crazy, feeling broken. But there
is power in story. In telling our stories, we decide to come out of the
darkness to come out of our closets. In telling our stories, we begin the journey
of discovering and revealing our authentic selves. It is a lifelong
endeavor because our stories don’t end with their original story telling. The
journey of authenticity, self discovery, and self empowerment often begin with
the telling of our story. In telling our stories, and listening to the
stories of others, we learn new information, new approaches, and new
perspectives……” On Tuesday Feb
10th, 2015 John Dehlin was officially excommunicated from the Mormon
Church for apostasy. I too have come to believe in the power of sharing our
stories. That is why I am willing to lay my Life, my heart, and my Soul out in
the open for everyone to see and to judge. However, I do want to be clear, this
story I’m telling through my book and my blog is not who I am. It is important for all of us to verbalize
our stories and to speak our truth in order to help others to awaken and to become
aware. But, it is just as crucial not to become attached to the stories we tell. They
are not who we are. They are just the experiences we have encountered while
floating along on this beautiful, graceful river called ‘Life’. Letting go of
our stories is just as vital as telling them. Writing and sharing my story is
helping me to ‘let it go’ as well.
I
love the work of Caroline de Lisser. She writes amazing poems, eloquently
speaking my hearts cherished feelings. In a FB post she shared in 2015 she said,
“We don’t need to save people, everyone
is connected, everyone is an expression of God/Goddess. We cannot enlighten
what is already
intrinsically
enlightened at its core, the words shared from our higher self can only
trigger others to remember what they already know, but when we embody
divine presence…… we reach people on that deeper soul level where the truth of
our divine connection manifests. When we embody the truth of who we are the
whole collective moves with us in that direction, we enable the false masks of
others to drop by our mere presence.” My objective and
purpose for candidly sharing my story is first and foremost to repair my
wounded Soul from the devastation it experienced when I learned that all I had
been taught, and was teaching my children, was in fact a lie. In these posts, I
am writing what I have not been able to say to my extended family, my friends,
my children, or my husband, but which must be spoken by my lips in order for my
broken heart to heal. Secondly, my intention is to assist others in awakening
to the awareness that they are already enlightened beings illuminated with a
majestic, Sacred Light from deep within them.
My
main message is that we are more than just the body, the mind, our past, our
future, our possessions, and our experiences in Life, so much more! We are
intensely connected to a power greater than us, whatever name you wish to call that power doesn't matter, and it is always available for
us to employ. Anita Moorjani said it so excellently in
her book, Dying to be Me. She says,
“In truth, I’m not my body, my race, religion, or other beliefs, and neither is
anyone else. The real self is infinite and much more powerful, a complete and
whole entity that isn’t broken or damaged in any way. The infinite me already
contains all the resources I need to navigate through life, because I’m One
with Universal energy. In fact, I AM Universal energy.” This is what I
have been able to discover as well since journeying on this mystical, spiritual
path; we are all one with Universal energy, the void, the zero point, the
Divine, and that is what we will all return to when the body ceases to
function. I have faith that this blog will be of assistance to facilitate that ‘remembering’
for someone, because this truth is staggeringly important to realize. The assurance
is we are only Divine Love energy and Sacred Light energy, which makes us fabulously
and enormously powerful!
I hope you will continue to walk with me over this next year as I go on sharing my story and my struggles. Even though I have realized this truth about myself, it doesn't mean I am perfect at living it. This past year was absolutely the hardest year of my life so far because of the deception, greed, betrayal, and darkness that crept into it. I will be sharing the trials and triumph's as I make my way back to living an authentic life once again.
Namaste!
www.iamsacredlight.com
www.sacredlights.net
www.secretsfromtheuniverse.blogspot.com
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpZXFp40f4k40LYshzXyl2Q
Spot on! Thank you for sharing.
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