Sacred Light

I love the work of Osho! He was a mystic, a guru, and a spiritual teacher born in India. In one of Osho’s YouTube video, on the multiple meanings of the word fuck, he says, “One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word ‘fuck’. It is a magical word; just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love. In language it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive and intransitive: ‘John fucked Mary’, and ‘Mary was fucked by John’, and as a noun: ‘Mary is a fine fuck’. It can be used as an adjective: ‘Mary is fucking beautiful’. As you can see there are not many words with the versatility of ‘fuck’.” Osho points out that in addition to the sexual meaning of the word there are also the following uses: “ignorance: ‘fucked if I know’; trouble: ‘I guess I’m fucked now!’; aggression: ‘Fuck you!’; suspicion: ‘What the fuck are you doing?’; enjoyment: ‘I had a fucking good time!’; request: ‘Get the fuck out of here!...

(Brandon's graduation, 2017, as the saying goes, we might not have it all together, but together, we have it all!)  This year marks our 30th Thanksgiving as a married couple, and each one has been uniquely special, but there is something extra incredible about Thanksgiving this year. We almost didn't celebrate it. 2017 has been the hardest year for our marriage to navigate. We still have rough seas ahead, we aren't out of the storms; but, we are working together instead of against each other, and that makes all the difference. As I prepared my home for this years festivities, setting up our Christmas decorations, I found myself reminiscing about past holidays gathered in our humble home. There have been many happy memories made over these past 30 years, and a few sad ones too, but overall, I hope my children remember the good times we have had together as a family.     One Thanksgiving I will never forget took place in CO; all five of our young kids, myself,...

Life asked Death, 'why do people love me, but hate you'? Death responded, 'Because you are a beautiful illusion, while I am a painful truth'! (May 8th, 2014, as my mother lay dying for four long, agonizing days, my dad and I shared many special moments with her before death finally came to claim her; allowing her last breath to be released. She left this world a little better for having been in it 84 wonderful years.)  I had the privilege of caring for my grandmother, father in law, mother, and father before they passed on. Death, like birth, comes on its own time frame, is messy, painful, agonizing at moments, and every ones experience is wonderfully unique.  My father worked at Thiokol for 26 years. He started working there as the Program Manager for the first stage of the Minuteman Missile System, eventually being made the Manager of Manufacturing Engineering. Later he was promoted to the head of Safety Engineering for all of Thiokol. He was ac...

The greatest fear in the world is of the opinion of others, and the moment you are unafraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom ~ Osho (9/11/2016, my birthday, I am visiting my dad for the first time in a few weeks due to my trip to AZ, and his week long stay in the hospital. He was released on my birthday; what a gift! My father had been receiving cancer treatments for a very rare type of cancer since June 29th. He was merely a shadow of the father I knew and loved. Cancer treatments killed my dad. They robbed his memory, stole his ability to care for himself, and made him do things he never would have done in his normal mind. In this picture, I see the blank look in my fathers eyes. He is gone. His body was still with us, but his mind was lost.) My dad and I have always had a very close relationship. Therefore, my leaving the church and his way of believing behind was exceptionally hard on h...

A Grandmother has ears that truly listen, arms that always hold, a love that’s never ending, and a heart that is made of gold. ~ Author Unknown (Holidays 1984, our last Christmas  together before she passes away on Dec 21, 1985) While I was pregnant with RJ, I had the experience with my grandmother I had been hoping for, waiting for, for nearly three decades. It was January 2012; exactly one year had passed since I had left the Mormon Church.  We had been with my parents to ring in the New Year at their home. Going to stay for an extended visit at their home was always upsetting to my parents, and to me, after I left the church. I couldn’t be present in their home for very long without one of them eventually engaging me about the loss of my testimony. Those conversations never went well. I would end up in tears feeling so terrible for disappointing them; yet, I was really proud of myself for finally living and speaking my truth. I couldn’t give that up for an...