Expressing Appreciation
(Brandon's graduation, 2017, as the saying goes, we might not have it all together, but together, we have it all!)
This year marks our 30th Thanksgiving as a married couple, and each one has been uniquely special, but there is something extra incredible about Thanksgiving this year. We almost didn't celebrate it. 2017 has been the hardest year for our marriage to navigate. We still have rough seas ahead, we aren't out of the storms; but, we are working together instead of against each other, and that makes all the difference. As I prepared my home for this years festivities, setting up our Christmas decorations, I found myself reminiscing about past holidays gathered in our humble home. There have been many happy memories made over these past 30 years, and a few sad ones too, but overall, I hope my children remember the good times we have had together as a family.
One Thanksgiving I will never forget took place in CO; all five of our young kids, myself, and my husband came down with the stomach flue on the day of Thanksgiving. I had started to prepare our dinner as one by one, we all started to become ill. That day, I also discovered a mouse had been living like a king in our kitchen pantry for quite some time, which made me feel like I was failing miserably as a mother. My Molly Mormon attitude back then, didn't allow for a dirty house, and a mouse was the surest sign in my mind of an unclean home. This was the last straw sending me into a spiraling downward depression that day. I was already missing our families in UT, wishing we could have gone home for the holiday. It was all too much. I remember uncontrollably crying as I cleaned out 'filled to the brim' barf bowls, wiped snotty noses, changed diarrhea diapers, vacuumed up mouse poop, dismantled his hidden sanctuary, and gave up on fixing anything resembling a typical Thanksgiving feast, all the while being super sick myself. That was a sad, lonely occasion for me at the time; but looking back, it is a funny, bitter sweet memory. I was so blessed! Even if I couldn't recognize it in that moment, I see it now. We've stuck together through thick and thin, barf and puke, constipation and diarrhea, heartbreaks and triumphs! We've weathered it all, and despite it all, we're still standing. I cherish our years in CO, and I would give just about anything to move back to that beautiful state. However, it is not where we have lived that is so special, it is that we were working together as a family creating our life as best we could that means the most to me. So many Thanksgiving's were spent traveling to our parents homes in UT. We have wonderful memories, and terrifying ones, of driving I-80, or I-70, in sunshine, or in blizzards, barely getting through before they closed the snow packed roads. Sometimes that was a blessing that turned into a curse as we white knuckled it, driving for hours in white out conditions. All of those adventures are magical memories now, ones I will always treasure.
One Thanksgiving I will never forget took place in CO; all five of our young kids, myself, and my husband came down with the stomach flue on the day of Thanksgiving. I had started to prepare our dinner as one by one, we all started to become ill. That day, I also discovered a mouse had been living like a king in our kitchen pantry for quite some time, which made me feel like I was failing miserably as a mother. My Molly Mormon attitude back then, didn't allow for a dirty house, and a mouse was the surest sign in my mind of an unclean home. This was the last straw sending me into a spiraling downward depression that day. I was already missing our families in UT, wishing we could have gone home for the holiday. It was all too much. I remember uncontrollably crying as I cleaned out 'filled to the brim' barf bowls, wiped snotty noses, changed diarrhea diapers, vacuumed up mouse poop, dismantled his hidden sanctuary, and gave up on fixing anything resembling a typical Thanksgiving feast, all the while being super sick myself. That was a sad, lonely occasion for me at the time; but looking back, it is a funny, bitter sweet memory. I was so blessed! Even if I couldn't recognize it in that moment, I see it now. We've stuck together through thick and thin, barf and puke, constipation and diarrhea, heartbreaks and triumphs! We've weathered it all, and despite it all, we're still standing. I cherish our years in CO, and I would give just about anything to move back to that beautiful state. However, it is not where we have lived that is so special, it is that we were working together as a family creating our life as best we could that means the most to me. So many Thanksgiving's were spent traveling to our parents homes in UT. We have wonderful memories, and terrifying ones, of driving I-80, or I-70, in sunshine, or in blizzards, barely getting through before they closed the snow packed roads. Sometimes that was a blessing that turned into a curse as we white knuckled it, driving for hours in white out conditions. All of those adventures are magical memories now, ones I will always treasure.
Thanksgiving 2007, 10 years ago; our last Thanksgiving in CO.
Thanksgiving 2017, my wonderful son and his sweet wife fixed our Thanksgiving feast for all 13 of us. It was so beautiful to come together to celebrate Life; everyone except for our son serving over seas in the military.
I have so much to be thankful for this year and I want to take a moment to share my top three blessings for which my gratitude is overflowing!
#1. My family of course, I am so grateful for my husband, children, daughter in law's, and grandchildren. Our family will be growing again in 2018 with a grandson coming in Feb. Seeing my children become parents is a beautiful thing. Watching my children grow up to be amazing people with unique gifts to bring to this struggling world warms my heart to its core. The joy I receive from being their mother/grandmother is enough to keep my cup running over for a lifetime!
(baby Molly with nana, and baby Sacrlet with nana, two of my favorite people on earth!)
#2. I am grateful for my dark night of the soul experience which has sent me in search of my Sacred Light, my spiritual pilgrimage to reclaim my authentic self. It has been a really rough road, a journey my family didn't ask for, but they have been carried along with me as I travel this path looking for my purpose for the last half of my life. I acknowledge that it has been hell for all of us at times because of my choosing to leave the easy path through life. Mormonism is a nice cozy box to live in, life is all figured out for you. I threw that box in the trash, and set out to find my own truths, to have my own spiritual experiences, and find my soul's true purpose. It is scary as hell to turn away from your childhood programming, but worth every God Damn minute of it!!
#3. I am so grateful for finding ONAC, and being able to participate in two tipi ceremonies this past fall. The experience with the sacred plant medicine has meant everything to me. These ceremonies have completely changed my life. There is no way I could have found forgiveness for my fathers and my sisters actions this past year and a half, if I had not been present in that tipi. The ripple effects of sitting in ceremony are still being discovered as I live my life more authentically. The sacred plant medicine has literally, and beautifully, changed me inside, and for that I am forever appreciative. It has given me strength, courage, guidance, tenacity, inspiration, empowerment, confidence, and the list could go on and on. It is the one sure thing I did this year for my own personal growth, saving my sanity, and revealing my authenticity, which has allowed my divine light to come shining through my perfect imperfections. This ceremony has helped me see my Sacred Light ever so much more clearly and perfectly.
I wish to express my gratitude and appreciation for my life not just around the holidays, but truly every day should be a celebration; and, I want my life to reflect that belief every day!
Namaste!
My Thanksgiving video from my YouTube channel Sacred Light:
(copy and paste all links)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHQ6zcqIPFk&t=2s
www.iamsacredlight.com
www.sacredlights.net
www.secretsfromtheuniverse.blogspot.com
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